Home a bit more than a month, but the first three weeks were spent at G’ma and G’pa’s while Margaret’s day job was cleaning the discombobulated ant farm that used to be our apartment. The idea of subletting over the summer was so that we wouldn’t have to move again, but the two floods mixed our furniture around nicely.

And then there was Ol’ Drippy.

Well, it’s more feng shui-ed and functional than ever before, now, and clean. What we had going before was really a temporary just-got-married-in-the-middle-of-the-semester indoor camping sort of thing, anyhow.

Oh, and now we have a puppy. Miniature dachshund (dash hound, if you’re G’ma Jann) we named Röschti. It was going to be Lorette, after our street in Paris, but the Utahn glottal stop just kept murdering it. Swiss hash browns make a cuter allusion, anyway.

She is nice. She is currently asleep in my pants. She does this whenever I go to the bathroom.

Yes, I am typing this from the bathroom. Stop judging me, for once…

Yesterday was a million hours on Southwest, then hanging out with Sam at Wasatch Hollow and at the skate park.

Today, back to Utah Valley. Apartment’s almost better than it was antediluvially, but the fridge contained some moldages I would’ve liked to add to Margot’s photo collection.

I had a beard, but now I don’t. School starts tomorrow.

Our last two weeks alone in Paris (up to July 30) :

• Interviewed the manager/director of the cinéma Archipel. Very well-prepared and eloquent woman who gave us an informative interview, patching up gaps in our familiarity with the scene.

• Indulged in a personal Potterfest. Watched 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 at home and went to the fancypants MK2 Bibliothèque to see Harry Potter et le Prince du Sang-Mélé. Majorly impressive. Also picked up Season three of Dynastie, which Margaret’s been hunting for months.

Then, as we wanted to do it together, spend like two full days lying around the house listening to HP7 in audiobook form. Tried listening to the Snapecast emanating from some hive of nerdwhackers via iTunes, but it was too unsettling.

• Got lost strolling through the Bois de Boulogne (couple of miles of forest preserved along the west side of the city) and explored Neuilly-sur-Seine all the way across the river again to la Défense. Waded in the little modern pool and talked for ages. Perused the shapely skyscrapers and popped into Auchan to get fixings for dinner.

• Had a couple of friendly run-ins with our upstairs neighbor, M. Bouchard, who is a retired architect and would-be music conductor. He’s lived in Paris all his life and is always happy to educate us on the structural technicalities of the different historic quartiers. We learned that the little mini-court section of our building which has been full of noisy construction workers this whole time was intended to give fresh air to bathroom and kitchen windows and be a suitable place for shaking rugs, sheets, etc. (as shaking above other people’s living room or bedroom windows has, logically, been forbidden for 150 years or so). Yeah, turns out our building is pre-Haussman, which is to say it was built around 1840 or 1850. You can apparently distinguish it by the wooden shutters, something which more or less ceased with the massive citywide facelift which the prefect Baron Hausmann executed under orders of Emperor Napoleon III.

• Interview with the directrice of the Grand Action, a cinéma showing only American and Italian classics from the 50s, 60s, 70s. Rivaled our last for PR erudition and was terribly terribly kind to us. Shot some really good things.

• Lots of walking around the Latin Quarter. One evening got caught in a downpour and waited it out in three different bookstores.

• Interview with the longtime proprietor of the Studio 28, perhaps the oldest independent cinema in Paris and the only remaining one in Montmartre. Outdid even the last for showmanship and preparation. These French entrepreneurs are certainly good at their extemporaneous.

• Returned to use the free admission we’d been gifted on La Rumeur (The Children’s Hour) at the Grand Action. Audrey was powerful, but Shirley was powerful-er.

• I may have mentioned the budgetingbudgetingbudgeting. Decided to leave Vienna a week earlier and stay in NYC for a couple of extra days so that we can spend more time in Dallas and possibly camp one night in Southern Utah before reclaiming our Provo nest. This way we’ll have a chance to do some unpacking and laundry before school, whereas my previous plan would’ve had me attending my first class at BYU

before

unhitching our trailer.

• The Summer Budget and Fall Budget
(oh, the exciting photos he posts!)

• The Save My GPA Budget

I finally sat down and figured out how to calculate grades in order to know what I need to earn in each class. Didn’t worry about it before, when I had 3.8. Now that’s it’s 3.55, though, I’m compelled to scramble if I’m to graduate with a 3.7ish. I hate you, American Heritage, HEPE, and Jiu-Jitsu class which broke my foot and hurniated 3 discs in my back.

• The Health Budget

Empowerment! We decided to learn how to count calories consumed and burned and make the required adjustments to feel… not gross. Things were great all last year, but then Thanksgiving, engagement stress, Christmas, birthday, wedding, honeymoon, planning stress, and european bakeries all happened. Margaret hasn’t been hit too badly, but would still like to feel better. I, on the other hand, nearly re-am the walrus I was before my mission – and that just won’t do.

We’ve become aware of the Common Denominator Phenomenon, a universal law even when one individual is feeling particularly energetic or ambitious, unless his/her partner feels the same way at the same time, it will require not only the original momentum (s)he barely summoned (s)himself, but twice that in order to get the both on their feet. As a result, groups tend to perform at the lowest common denominator (LCD), slowing down for the Sunday driver, easing up on the weak link, etc. WELL, we’ve identified the trend and are setting out to reverse it, dragging each other to go jogging, read scriptures, do homework, or whathaveyou even and especially when one half of the team protests – the idea being that marriage is intended to challenge and refine two lifestyles into one operating at the Highest Common Denominator (HCD). [ For those concerned, I have registered these newfangled terms with the Pan-Occidental Cooperative Association for Newfangled Layman's Terms and Wordforgery, more commonly known as the POCANLTW. ]
—–insert graphics——

• Spend a Sunday afternoon exploring most of the 1st Arrondissement on foot, going through the Marais neighborhood for a second-to-last Hebrew meal at l’As du Falafel (“The Ace of Falafels”… Lenny Kravitz recommends it). Discovered the romantic qualities of strolling along the borders of the Seine river at night, smooching under the peer pressure of passing tour boats and gazing at the lights’ watery reflections. Went all around the Île St. Louis, Île de la Cité and Notre-Dame, and up up up.
— insert map—

• Decided upon a favorite place to stand and stare and the end of the day : the Pont Royal, with its views of practically everything and the sunset filtering through the dome of the Grand Palais.

• With only a few days left before my godmother, Leila, and her ward friend/ward-friend, (Sister) Gail (Christensen), arrived, we resolved to walk the most of it. Revisited the pathways along the edge of the Seine virtually every night, hitting up the Latin Quarter for some sort of provision and then picnicking on some bench or bridge or other. Our candle-lit evening of champagne flutes and Crazy 8s (using the Hansi playing cards we found in Strasbourg) would’ve been super cozy, if the candles hadn’t attracted 1 out of every ten passersby – ‹‹C’est quoi, une séance de spiritisme?›› One space-invading drunkversation later, we witnessed a pack of cops lose their arrest when he bolted along the quai and up the stairs 4 or 5 at a time. French cops may be leaner than US cops, but they’re still no match for a young black dude under pressure.

• Perhaps the best date night was seeing Pixar’s new Là-Haut (Up) in 3D at the MK2 Bibliothèque, then exploring our way clear to the Pont Neuf, where we huddled up in one of the public nooks to watch Dynasty on our laptop while eating a pizza we’d acquired on the way. Tried to put out more candles, but it was too windy.

•  The end of July brought the beginning of what the history books will call l’Époque des Vielles Dames. Picked them up at Charles de Gaulle and taxi-ed them back to the Étap in St.Ouen. Showed them our little flat and then hustled to catch the last Bateau-Mouche for a late-night river cruise. Shepherded the poor ladies along faster than they could manage and still got to the boat just as the whistle blew. So sad. Sat outside a sandwich joint on the Champs-Élysées instead. As the métro had gone to bed for the night, put them in another taxi and walked home, ourselves.
- Ch. 2 : Montmartre, Eiffel, Croisière
- Ch. 3 : Sent to Louvre, Sainte Chapelle, QL café
- Ch. 4 : Driving Champs-Élysées, Lyon
- Ch. 5 : Genève, Yvoire, Montreux
- Ch. 6 : Neuch, Bern
- Ch. 7 : Fribourg, Gruyères, Lauterbrunnen
- Ch. 8 : Trummelbach falls, Lucerne, Zürich
- Ch. 9 : Lake drive, Liechtenstein, Garmisch, München
- Ch. 10 : Hohenschwangau & Neuschwanstein
- Ch. 11 : the drop-off

Berchtesgaden, Salzburg, Linz, Vienna, Brno, Slovakatastrophe (jibberish sandwich)

So, in order to help Margaret’s family out and give her some time with the youngest sister and brother, Margaret’s hanging back in Texas to babysit, while the parents go to NYC to help Mary move. I fly to SLC on Saturday and she drives the Ford back up 11ish days later.

12 days apart? Might as well get hit by 12 cars. Or have 12 jagged icicles rammed into my heart. Who’d've thought I could love someone so much after barely a year of knowing them, that any separation past 5 or 6 hours would begin to render me literally stupefied for sadness?

In other news, we’ve been in Texas for almost a week. My body still hasn’t caught up, and all the gradschool contemplation, courseload scheduling, and various lifey worky things I keep cramming in my head have hardly lessened the fatigue. My head feels literally heavy and I’m constantly wiped out. Oi.

Gotta start sleeping and swimming.

The heat, plus my laser focus on grad school research, kept me up until 6 AM. Oi.

It’s unique, being the 4th and 5th inhabitants of Mary’s tiny studio apartment. We’re married, so it’s not weird, but it’s funny to be the only dude in a close-quarters situation with 4 other women.

Today, helped Mary solve her apartment crisis by hoofing it over to Williamsburg to meet a landlord for her. Brooklyn’s pretty great. New York suburbs are doable.

In addition to consuming iced cream, iced water, and ice, we went up to Harlem for Sylvia’s soul food. Crammed myself full of catfish fingers, corn bread, fried chicken, collared greens, and lemonade. I couldn’t think straight during the walk home, as most of my cranial cavity was being used as extra food storage.

The doctors say they’ll be able to reconstruct my body as soon as the puddle (my organs and various tissues) congeals.

Fortunately, I’ve been keeping cool by introducing absurd amounts of calories into my body. The theory is that I’ll stuff my oven so full of wood the fire will go out.

- John’s Pizza (pepperoni and ricotta nom nom nom)
- new Ben & Jerry’s flavour, Fossil Fuel (fudge dinosaurs!!!)
- Murray’s Bagels
- new Domino’s chocolate lave crunch seizure-tasm bonanza
- more cheesecake

In other news, felt New Yorky today as I read the Onion on the subway while we went to visit sister-in-law Julia at JFK during her layover. She’s going to Vienna, herself, for study abroad. She can have it. Anything east of Salzburg is just to HRE for me.

Lots of grad school research. NYU’s got an individualizable masters thing which might do the trick. Looking like we’ll take the “extra year” and work/band it up while preparing the coup, making connections and researching, and finally sending off a volley of applications in spring of 2011, for school in 2012.

Going to need a good job, though, if we’re to add a third member to our family. Nonono, not a bebbeh quite yet. The tree still goes plant (check), small pet, dog, then bebbeh, then two bebbehs.

We’ve got a fantastic candidate for small pet :

It’s like a dog and a cat mated, then a mouse and a porcupine mated, then their two hybrid children had a baby incorporating all of their best qualities. The hedgehog.

The only way to describe this weather is traumatic.

Saw David Cross and some others at the Upright Citizens Brigade theatre. The others were veru funny. He barely was. Got all excited for him to say something cleverly offensive about Mormons, but was disappointed. He talked for a while, but they technically weren’t even jokes.

Thursday
- Sweaty death march hauling bags from JFK through subway to Mary’s on 50th and 9th or so.
- Burrito Box

Friday
- Food Network reclaimed warehouse
- Wichcraft
- NYU scouting
- J.P. Morgan’s library
- Famous Original Ray’s
- Dark Knight

Saturday
- Met Anna O’Brien
- Took free water taxi to IKEA in Brooklyn, saw Statue of Liberty and whatnot
- IKEA LUNCH!
- Housesat Mary’s friend Mary’s cats and watched Casino Royale. I ate her Raisin Bran.
- Walked around 42nd Street and Times Square at night.
- Cheesecake at Roxy’s and SNL at home.

Sunday
- Church in Union Square singles ward.
- Super good shake at Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory
- Defreakinglicious pizza under the Brooklyn bridge at Grimaldi’s
- Walked the Brooklyn Bridge
- Died of heatstroke to death.

We’re in Munich. Safe. Sausages, etc. Will check in soon.

So, since Belgium and the introspection frenzy… well… the introspection continues. Gosh, all these practicalities! So much more simple when I was content to be poor. Yeah yeah yeah, rising to challenges, growing up, empowerment, manhood… bleh. I want to eat yogurt and play Halo.

Har.

Gave myself another checkup, reevaluated how my Terminal Overachieverson’s Disease is progressing/regressing, and decided that the workload really has to be diminished a bit. I’ve got to cut my meat into smaller bites and prune the objectives down a little. Fortunately, my wise professors are in complete agreement. “Enjoy Paris with your wife” was Dr. Lee’s prescription. Definitely worth his salt, that man.

It must sound ridiculous to anyone extraparisian at the moment, but though this city is fantastic and I couldn’t hope to have explored the whole of it in a lifetime, I’m positively STARVING for some camping. Something about the intermountain boy scout core in me that literally requires lakes and rocks and fire.

Consequentially, readjusting the budget and life plans nearly every day. We’ve decided to come back a bit earlier, shaving down our Austria time to the bare minimum. This way, we have 8 days in New York, 5ish days in Dallas, perhaps a quick stop in Southern Utah (Arches or maybe Zions), and then 2 or 3 days of resettling in Provo, rather than getting back to Provo to unpack several hours before my first class period, which was my admittedly reckless prior plan.

It’ll be good to be back in Provo and enjoy stability for a bit, hang out with the family I’ve ignored over the course of datingengagementmarriagebyeeverybodyI’mofftoFrance, and take Sam to do outdoorsy things. Margaret is intimidated by job hunting, and steeling herself up for the drag of paycheck rustling and whatnot. Sososo glad for the experience the Paris project has given us, compelling us to learn daily budgeting, planning, prioritizing, etc.

Geez. When did this turn into a personal accountant’s blog? Speaking of that…

I’ve started a *NEW SPREADSHEET* (trumpets) for the Fall in Provo budget. I didn’t know how to use a spreadsheet, before. I didn’t bother anticipating how much I’d have to earn to do this or that. I didn’t prioritize much. I just kept my tastes inexpensive and focused on my homework. But now I’m a husband and, as the ambitions are amplified, so are the efforts required to materialize the life I want.

Materialization needn’t imply materialism, but it turns out that even the 9 to 5 life in exotic Provo requires significant amounts of currency. So, if anyone reading this has copious loads of cash to award me by way of subsidy, grant, or tax cheat, please write to either of my e-mail addresses :
forbyn@gmail.com
brucewillisisaghostattheend@gmail.com